Can people change?

Can people change? I have been wondering this a lot lately.

I wasn't able to forgive people because I didn't think they were capable of changing, but then I realized that maybe they can because, hey, I've changed. I became so used to forgiving everyone ALL THE TIME because I believed that they could change. Additionally, I am a firm believer that not being able to forgive people just causes harm to not only the other person, but yourself as well.

There is this one person, though, that has proven he may not be capable of change. He used the fact that I was willing to forgive so easily and ripped me to pieces without even caring at all about his actions. Now he is back again, and I am noticing something that will be helpful to me and others in similar situations.

Upon further reflection of my own personal growth, I do not think I have really become a different person. Maybe there are subtle differences that I have noticed, but nothing that makes me someone else. I have just become an evolved form of myself. Fundamentally I am the same.

Yes, people deserve second chances and forgiveness, but we cannot expect them to become a different person when, in fact, this may not be possible.

We can grow, learn, and live to better ourselves everyday and appear to be different, but we do not become someone else. We become wiser versions of ourselves who have learned from our mistakes.

Keeping that in mind, if a person is not ready to commit to bettering themselves, we will see no progress. We should not forgive people and expect change. We can hope for improvement. Do not let someone who is not ready to improve do the same things they have done to you so many times because you think that they can change. They are still themselves. If they aren't ready to grow, that is something that they need to deal with.

You are only you, and you can only do so much. You can wish them the best of luck, but they will never be a different person. Growth takes time. It is not magical. You don't make a decision and then *poof* you are your final form. It takes hard work. No matter how much we want someone to change quickly, it just does not happen like that.

So... can people change? No, but people can grow with time. That is something we can hold onto.

-L