Dream

I dreamed about you last night. It made me miss you again. I finally thought I was moving on, but as soon as I think that, you decide to make your way back into my mind and make me miss you.

This dream was amazing. You hugged me and held me. You walked next to me and supported me. It was like things could be good again.

Dreams are funny because they can sometimes give you everything you want from life, making reality the nightmare. You sleep and have this beautiful dream about the person you love and then you wake again only to find that everything that you just had moments ago isn’t true. It’s like losing you all over again but I can’t be mad at you for it, it was my mind this time.

But you were there, and it was so good. I understand why people don’t want to wake from their dreams now. It is too painful. You get a glimpse of everything you want, and it gets ripped away from you in one moment.

I am stuck between two thoughts... where I never want to sleep again because it hurts too bad to wake up, or I never want to wake up again just so I can spend the rest of my time dreaming of you. It felt so good to be back in your arms and for you to care about me again.

When I woke up, I shed a tear because I miss you. But life goes on. I don’t have you. You don’t care. And I can’t dream for eternity. So I will try to get better and move on from you, but it won’t be easy because I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else and not only did you rip that away from me twice, but my dreams do as well.

But again I say I will try my best to move on because no matter how much you hurt me, I still want the best, no, the entire world for you. I want you to not have to escape to your dreams to feel love. I want you to smile and laugh and truly be happy inside and out. I want you to have the life you’ve always wanted with someone by your side to experience it with you who loves you with all of her heart and is the best possible person for you.

Maybe one day I can be happy without you too. Maybe one day I won’t wake with heartbreak from a dream about you, but wake with a smile knowing it was a good memory of someone that I used to love.

-L