Hypocrite

I always come to this blog when I need to talk. Usually I will write about things that I need advice on because I am terrible at caring for myself. I figured if I would give others advice about situations that I am also in, then maybe it would be easier for me to grow, get better, take my own advice, etc. Well, here we are. I am facing the facts right now. I do not listen to my advice. I am still struggling just as much as ever. Isn't this most people though? We can give others advice and care so much about them, but we can't even take the first step in caring for our own problems.

I am going to be even more honest right now when I say that at the end of this, I would typically say something along the lines of doing better, working on myself, and giving advice to everyone about a problem. The truth is that my brain tells me I am not worth that. I don't deserve to get better, move on, grow, or be happy. My brain is stuck in a constant state of telling myself that I am not worthy. Why? Why do I do this? Maybe it is depression. Maybe it is the fact that I am in college and 21 and this is just the way we all feel during emerging adulthood. It could be a lot of things, but that doesn't change the fact that I would just feel selfish spending time working on myself. I can say a million times over that everyone should take care of themselves because everyone is worth it. But I will turn to myself two seconds letter and give five thousand reasons why I am not.

So am I a hypocrite? Yes. Are there things I need to work on? Yes. Is there stuff we all need to work on? Probably. Will we? Maybe not. Should we? Yes. Why? Because we are worth it.

(See... I just can't help myself.)

-L