What am I Doing with My Life?

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At the age of eighteen (maybe even sooner), we are asked to decide what we want to do with the rest of our lives. Do you want to be a doctor, lawyer, dentist, businessman, artist, etc.? Do you want to go to college? Is college even for you? How are you going to spend the rest of your life?

I don't know about you, but I have grown a lot since the age of eighteen. I have also been through a lot since then. I had to decide what I wanted to do, and I was in no place to do so. It is crazy. I am now a senior in college. I have changed my major around four times, and I still have no idea what I want to do with my life.

I went to college because I thought that is what most people do. I thought it would be best for my future. Getting a degree is great! College is great, but it is not as great when you have no idea what you are doing with your life.

I started as a music ministry and mathematics double major. Those are my favorite things in the whole world, so why not major in them? I quickly realized I am not stable enough to handle being a music major (I don't know if that is just because it was the school I was at or because of my extreme anxiety that was getting worse at the time). I also was going through something that made me feel a need to transfer. This leads to my sophomore year of college at a new school as a middle school education major. This wasn't a large change from the mathematics major prior because I would have been teaching, but I was now focused on middle school instead of high school. I loved going to middle school and working with the students! I tried to get placed in the mathematics classroom, but guess what ironic thing happened...

I was placed in the choir room! That was honestly the best thing that could have happened to me. From that situation, I realized I loved seeing what music could do to help the students. It was a blast.

You would think after that, I would know that music is my path. Haha! I LOVE sabotaging myself.

I changed back from middle school to high school mathematics. I was taking three math classes a semester. Fun! I knew this wasn't it for me, but I was too afraid to do what I truly wanted.

So guess who changed her major again? Me! And guess who didn't change it to music! Me again! Wow, I am good at this. This now brings us to my senior year of college. I am sitting in a psychology class as a psychology major writing this blog post. I thought maybe helping people one-on-one would be better for me. Maybe I could do more that way for others than being a teacher? (They both do so many things for so many people).

As my anxiety has gotten better, and I have had time to recover from my experiences, I realize that music has always been my path. But now I am 22 and in my senior year of college. I am confused, upset, frantic, and I have no idea what I am going to do next.

I really don't think this is okay, but what can we do about it? I just keep pushing through because society tells me I need to be following a timeline. I should be getting a job when I graduate, going to get a masters or some more education of some sort (because a bachelor's degree isn't enough), getting married, having children, and living the rest of my life working 9 to 5 every single day. This should be enough for me.

I think this is a problem that a lot of creative people face. Do we risk everything and follow our dreams, or do we give in and follow the plan that society has created?

I commend anyone who is following their dreams. Whether that is getting a typical job, running a business, working on cars, driving trucks, or anything creative, I really do admire you. That is not easy to do, and it is amazing to know that there are people out there who are achieving their goals and dreams.

So what is next for me? Maybe I will give in. Maybe I will give up music, my passion, to feel safe.

Or... maybe I should try to create a plan to start following my dreams. Maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't give in to societal norms. It is terribly upsetting to think that my dreams might just die, so maybe I shouldn't let them.

Don't let your life become a graveyard for your dreams. Follow your heart. Be happy. We can do this...

-L